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Adventures In Family Prayer

August 5, 2013 by Heather Leave a Comment

 

Adventures In Family Prayer

August 5, 2013 by Heather 90 Comments

You know when you were younger and you actually had way more time to pray and you even felt that you were (ha! HA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! HA!)  rather holy?

Remember what it felt like to pray a rosary or go to Mass in total silence without anyone skrieking about broken crayons in the background and no small person was breathing on your neck about how they “Hafta make a two in da potty”?

Take the plank out of your own eye, lady. After all, you forgot your pants.

Yeah. Let’s talk about that.
First I’m going to play a little music in the background and let you have a healing cry. No more of this white-knuckling nonsense, ok?
You just go ahead and let it out.

Ok that’s enough.
We’re going to talk about family prayer time.
Praying with young children can be a real trip, can’t it?
Now that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it. We should definitely do it.
I mean, Jesus said “let the little children come to me”, right?
When Jesus said that, He didn’t mean for us to just drop the kids off at the Church door so we could speed away to our zumba class at the Y.

Just kidding. He’s got this.

Bringing your kids to Jesus is something you do as a family. We have to be the example and show our kids what that means.
Truth be told, that part scares me. I know I fall short in a million ways.
The first place to start, besides going to church, is prayer.. aka conversations with God.
Prayer is essential in the life of a Christian.
I say that, but I really struggle to pray. I seriously have the attention span of a mosquito.
Like I’ll be sitting there praying, and then I’ll look at my kitchen table and think “Hmmm.
I’m going to paint the legs on that thing. Maybe turquoise. Red? No, a light blue. Yeah. Light blue.”

“Yeah..anytime you wanna pay me some attention, that’d be greeeat…”

Imagine if you were in the middle of a conversation with a friend and you just completely stopped talking all of a sudden and stared at your table for five whole minutes with your head tilted to the side.
It’s rude, right? I know.
In our home, we say grace before most meals ..except for breakfast because WHAT. I’m guzzling my coffee while the children mill around aimlessly with waffles in their hands.
Yeah, you heard that right. Waffles. PLAIN waffles.
If you want baked tofu kale muffins and breastmilk smoothies, then you best head on over to your local sanctimommie’s house, and don’t let the door and the keebler elves hit you in the trunk on your way out.

I (try to) pray with the kids before we start school each day.
Sometimes we take our kids to Adoration.

That doesn’t always work out so well, but I know that Jesus loves it.
We also do a family prayer time before bed each night.
Each child has a prayer that they lead for the family.
JP does the St Michael the Archangel prayer, Lucie does the Memorare, and Jude does two Gaurdian Angel prayers.
Some of my protestant friends just fainted.

Guys, it’s ok. I know you might be freaked out, but we’re simply asking our “cloud of witnesses” (Hebrews 12:1) in Heaven to pray for us.
Just like you’d ask a friend or family member here on earth to pray for you.
By the way, just a note about Jude’s prayers…one is the Angel of God prayer, a totally legit prayer.
The other one, however, is this thing:
“Matthew Mark Luke and John
Bless the bed that I lay on
Four corners to my bed
Four angels round my head
One to watch, one to pray and two to bear my soul away.”
Um? What the heck is that?
It’s not really a prayer, is it? It’s more like a nursery rhyme.
Plus I can’t tell you how many times we’ve accidentally said:
“Four corners to my head
Four angels round my bed”

Sigh.
Dan and I used to try praying the entire rosary with the kids before bed.
This was a terrible idea, because it turns out that usually, one decade of the rosary is what our family can handle at the end of a long day.
Sometimes we can’t even handle that. Three Hail Mary’s and off you go, kids. Lights out.
Little kids tend to be very distractable, and parents tend to be very tired.
It reminds me a little of a Steubenville retreat I went on years ago in Attleboro, Massachussets.
They did not have beds or dorm rooms for us to sleep in on this retreat.
We all had to sleep under the big tent. Hundreds of people sleeping under a tent.
They really wanted us to cling to God, I guess.
I must admit, it worked.
There was a men’s tent and a women’s tent. In the women’s tent, nobody would shut up….
which is surprising to no one.
We were laying in rows, literally like sardines.
It was horrible in that way in which the only method of coping is inappropriate laughter.
Luckily, innappropriate laughter is something I excel in. In fact, it’s one of my specialties.
Everyone has their special gift.
Silence was demanded of us many times, but to no avail.
Finally, a woman announced that she was bringin’ out the big guns.
She would lead us in the Rosary.

Gentle woman, quiet light.

This decision was probably made because she was ready to kill someone and desperately needed God’s grace, since a Catholic youth retreat is a distasteful place to commit a homocide.
This lady had a bullhorn, and she was not afraid to use it.

I remember her marching around the tent, praying loudly into the bullhorn.
I also remember that it was hilarious.
“HAIL MARY FULL OF GRACE THE LORD IS WITH THEE!!!!”
she trumpeted. And then:
“AND WITH THEE OVER THERE! QUIET!”
She was really mad, but who could stop laughing at this? Not me.
She continued:
“HOLY MARY, MOTHER OF GOD… YES YOU WILL PUT OUT THAT FIRE!”
I have no idea if anyone was actually starting a fire. Maybe someone was doing a poor reenactment of the descent of the Holy Spirit, I don’t know.
Nontheless, it is one of my favorite memories.

In our home, no one is lighting any fires during the rosary (not yet anyway), but most times I feel like the lady with the bullhorn.
“Hail Mary full of grace, HEY! You don’t chew the rosary! It’s a rosary! It’s not a box of raisinettes!!  You don’t eat tha- WAIT. Why are there only 9 beads on that decade you’re holding?!?!“
or
“Holy Mary, Mother of SOHELPMEGOD you better keep your HANDS to YOURSELF and stop touching your brother’s EYEBALL.”
And so on. And so forth. Foreverandever Amen.

Have you ever tried to do prayer intentions with your children?
It’s a real crapshoot, isn’t it?
You just never know what these tiny people will say.
Some of their prayers will simply melt your heart and make you fall in love with your kids all over again.
One night during prayers, my daughter Lucie prayed that she when she grows up, she could “help the poor”.
She also added that would like to be a unicorn brusher.
This stuff is gold.
Sometimes your kids will pray things that are completely bizarre and you may have to suppress your laughter.
And some kids sort of miss the point of prayer time. This might be the funniest of all.
“MaryLou, who would you like to pray for tonight?”
“Ummm…I wanna pray for….you know that little girl who lives down the street?”
Mom: (so proud of her thoughtful child) Yes?
MaryLou: The one with the blonde hair? You know her, mom?
Mom: Yes I do sweetie. Would you like to pray for her?
Marylou: Yeah she has a really cute doll I like, it closes it’s eyes and pees it’s diaper and I wanna doll like that doll. I wanna pray that I get her doll.
Mom: oh. kay. Johnny, what would you like to pray for?
Johnny: I saw a cricket today.
Mom: Johnny? Who are we praying for?
Johnny: I ate it.

Or how about The Fast Pray-er or The Slow Pray-er?
You know what I’m talking about, don’t you.
Note:These aren’t just found in your own sweet family. These folks are at your parish.
You’re all trying to pray a prayer IN UNISON, and this person HAS to pray OUT OF SYNC with eeeverybody else.
Everyone: Hail Mary Full of ( Slow Pray-er: Hail….Mary….)
Everyone: The Lord is with thee (Slow Pray-er: Full….of ..Grace…..)
or this:
Everyone: We believe in one God (Fast Pray-er: WebelieveinoneGodtheFatherAlmightymakerofHeavenandEarthofallthatisseenandunseen)
Everyone:The Father the Almighty (Fast Pray-er: WebelieveinoneLordJesusChristtheonlySonofGodeternallybegottenoftheFather)

Tell me you do not want to strangle this person.
Sometimes I wish the priest would look this person in the eye and say, “Just stop praying out loud. You are annoying  the entire congregation.”
You can’t really do anything when it’s a stranger praying the Creed at Mass (it’s wrong to withold the sign of peace, right?), but when it’s your own child, aren’t you just like “STOP THAT!!!ENOUGH!! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! Can’t you JUST. Pray. With. TheRestOfUS?!?!?!?!”

And see, there you just completely overeacted.
All you have to say is, “Son/Daughter/Honeychild, pray along with the rest of us.”
Instead – usually because you’re tired – you go batshit.
And your child’s eyes well up with tears and… welp, you just turned into Joe Jackson and ruined the Rosary for the entire family.
And you pay for it later, don’t you?

See, that’s why Dan and I just usually stick to praying a decade of the Rosary with the kids.
Because we know that we will become the Jackson Family if we don’t.
Some families have no problem at all praying a rosary with all of their kids.

This picture makes me feel like such crap about my life, and I’m the one who drew the thing.

“Why is everyone better than me?” you think. “What is wrong with my family? Are the faucets at my house lined with lead paint? Should I have all my children re- tested for Tourette’s?”
(Side note: sometimes I wonder if I should be tested for Tourette’s.)
It’s easy to feel like everyone else has a normal family, while you are merely living on Chimp Island with a bunch of hairy beings that pick their noses and fling it at the walls.
Truth is, nobody has it all together.
You think just because people don’t air out all their dirty laundry in front of you, that means they don’t have problems?
Stop thinking that!
No one is gonna show up at the church family picnic and be like “Well, Jim got so drunk last night that he punched out another window. I can’t believe we even made it here today. He woke up this morning thinking he was a sailor named Charlie McGuiness and he asked me for a fish fry. Ah, it’s always something, isn’t it? Can you please pass the potato salad? It’s delicious! Is that paprika I taste?”
That’s a rather extreme example, but you know what I’m sayin.
Everyone has something going on that they wish they didn’t.
And that’s a major reason why it’s important to pray the Rosary, because we need help.
But sometimes you have to do great things in small doses…especially when you have little kids.
Then you can do a little more here, and a little more there…
you build on it over time.
I think a great way to get your kids to sit still during a family rosary is to let them each lead a decade.
We have some friends that literally feed their children candy during the rosary.
Hey, whatever it takes.
If it were up to me, the perfect Rosary candy would be cotton candy.
It’s high maintenance candy, and takes alot of energy to eat. When you eat cotton candy, you have to focus. You can’t jump around and be ridiculous when you’re trying to eat a small pastel cloud.
My friends however, are wiser than I. You know what else they started giving their kids, besides candy?
Marshmallows.
How genius is this??
Now they will always associate praying with S’mores.

Recently, I got some great advice.
A Priest was telling me about his mom and how she inspired him to pray.
He said that every day after lunch, his mom would send all the kids to their rooms or whatever so they could have a quiet prayer time for 10 minutes.
He said that helped him to eventually build a solid prayer life.
A few days after he told me this, out of the clear blue, my dear friend Janelle told me that she was reading a homeschooling  book and the author recommended telling children to go and find a little hiding spot and talk to God there for 3 minutes.
I totally had the chills. I knew God was sending me a message.
My friend had started doing this. When the prayer time was over, she would ring a bell.

YAY! The bell makes a comeback!!!

You know that’s all I needed to hear.
A reason to use my beloved bell?!
Please. Say no more. I am ALL ABOUT IT.
If only I could find where Dan had hid the bell….hmmmm…

This man has been traumatized.

So I started doing this with the kids.
The first day, I explained what we were doing. They got really excited about finding a hiding spot.
15 minutes later they were still rushing around, trying to find a perfect little place.
I’m pretty sure I was yelling at them.
The next time I got wiser and assigned spots instead.
For three minutes (sometimes longer, I try to take advantage) the house is gloriously quiet.
GLORIOUSLY!!!!!!! My heart races at the thought.
I even get to have some quiet prayer time!!!!!!
It is a beautiful thing.
Some kids take the prayer time more seriously than others. They really sit there and talk to Jesus.
Other kids try to multi task. My 3 year old has taken a poop during our last three prayer times.
You shake your head in dismay, but I see a child with a unique talent for time management, and I say: Son, you have a gift.
He says he’s praying in the bathroom.
Who am I to judge?

The whole point is: small doses.
Don’t suck the joy out of a good, holy thing by being Crazy Joe Jackson, Tyrant of the Most Holy Rosary.

Someone once said “One Hail Mary well said fills the heart of Our Lady with delight and obtains for us indescribably great graces. One Hail Mary well said gives us more graces than a thousand thoughtlessly said”. (by the way, anybody know WHO said that? I don’t)
I believe God is just as pleased with one decade well said as He is with a whole rosary.
Besides, what’s the point of praying the whole thing if you’re seething through all of it and glaring at your littles?
Build good prayer habits a little at a time if that’s all your family can handle, and try not to feel like a failure about it.
God sees you. He sees your efforts. He sees your 2 year old writhing around on the couch while you try in vain to make him sit in an acceptable fashion.
He sees the sweat on your brow.
He knows you’re trying, and He is pleased when we try.
When we were younger, single people, we could pray the way we wanted to, when we wanted to.. on our own terms.
We may have felt pretty “holy”, but God is truly making us holy right now.
Right here in the middle of this beautiful chaos.

Onward, Christian soldiers!!!

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Comments

    1. Mary @ Better Than Eden says

      August 5, 2013 at 10:47 am

      I think the Jesus pic inspired me the most and now all I want is for Jesus to come babysit my kids once in a while. Great post, H!

      Reply
        • Mary says

          August 6, 2013 at 2:46 am

          Me too!

          Reply

        • MamaH says

          August 12, 2013 at 2:34 am

          Thanks ladies!!!:)

          Reply

    1. Erica Saint says

      August 5, 2013 at 11:44 am

      Thanks! I needed to read this today.

      Reply
        • MamaH says

          August 12, 2013 at 2:44 am

          Your welcome Erica!:)

          Reply

    1. Lisa says

      August 5, 2013 at 6:04 pm

      That was hilarious and all so true! Thank you for the good laugh!!!

      Reply
        • MamaH says

          August 12, 2013 at 2:44 am

          No probs, Lisa:) Thank you!

          Reply

    1. Megan says

      August 5, 2013 at 8:54 pm

      I sent my oldest to pray for three minutes in a hiding spot so I could finish reading this. 🙂 good post and the bullhorn lady made me cry.

      Reply
        • MamaH says

          August 12, 2013 at 2:46 am

          hahaha See? You’re gonna have a monk on your hands;) Thanks Meg!

          Reply

    1. Janelle Horn says

      August 6, 2013 at 12:20 am

      This is so stinking funny/true!! I LOVE the babysitting Jesus/off to Zumba! I think I need a copy of that framed in my kitchen!

      Reply
        • MamaH says

          August 12, 2013 at 2:46 am

          Love that idea, Janelle! Thank you:)

          Reply

    1. kelli says

      August 6, 2013 at 12:50 am

      I’m shocked your cry room doesn’t count for Zumba 🙂 I loved this! I was sent over from Conversion Dairy, and she knew to pass this along!

      Reply
        • MamaH says

          August 12, 2013 at 2:47 am

          I bet I could do Zumba in a cry room and no one would flinch! lol Thanks Kelli!

          Reply

    1. Teakafrog says

      August 6, 2013 at 12:57 am

      Just found your blog, and am so glad I did. I literally LOL’d. I can so relate. Love it!

      Reply
        • MamaH says

          August 12, 2013 at 2:48 am

          I love that you can relate! Thank you Teakafrog!:)

          Reply

    1. onecatholicmama says

      August 6, 2013 at 1:02 am

      I love that idea about telling each kid to go pray for 3 minutes…totally going to start that tomorrow.

      And, thanks for the heads up about assigning “quiet places”…we owuld totally be the ones where everyone runs around for 15 minutes and fights over a place.

      Reply
        • MamaH says

          August 12, 2013 at 2:51 am

          Glad I’m not the only one with the fights. hahaha! Thanks girl!:)

          Reply

    1. Jackie Briere says

      August 6, 2013 at 1:11 am

      My mother use to call me honeychild 🙂 I loved reading your post. I remember laughing out loud praying the rosary with my family as a child. I use to laugh out loud while praying the Divine Mercy chaplet too. I have relapsed as a non practicing catholic again. like what else is new, but by reading your blog it just may inspire me to start praying my rosary . again . Holy Mary ….pray for us.

      Oh if you are wondering who this strange new person is well I am a follower, and reader obviously, of Jennifer Fulwiler’s blog and she left a link to your blog in her most recent post so . here I am .

      Reply
        • MamaH says

          August 10, 2013 at 4:07 am

          Hi Jackie! Great to have you here! A big welcome to you:)
          I’m biased, but I definitely think you should pray the rosary again! What’s the worst that can happen?
          *oh wait. you did read the post, so you know what could happen* lol
          I’m kidding.
          I hope you’ll bust them beads out and say yo prayers, honeychild. I know I always feel a certain peace after I pray the rosary.
          The Blessed Mother is waiting for you.

          Reply

    1. ourlittlenuthouse says

      August 6, 2013 at 1:27 am

      Ohmygosh, I laughed so hard I had tears streaming down my face and the Hubs couldn’t understand me as I tried in vain to explain through gasps of air.

      I need a bullhorn.

      Reply
        • Tawanda says

          August 6, 2013 at 1:54 am

          I did THE SAME THING!!!!!!!!!!! Girl, Heather! You have a GIFT!!!! Straight up HYSTERICAL!!! Have NOT laughed that hard in years!!!!! Keep bringing it because we all NEED it!!!!!!

          Reply

        • MamaH says

          August 12, 2013 at 2:53 am

          You ladies are so nice! Glad you’re laughing! And you know what’s even better/easier than a bullhorn? A whistle. MAMA NEED HER A WHISTLE.

          Reply

    1. Erica S says

      August 6, 2013 at 2:10 am

      I read this sitting on the deck and I was laughing so hard I was crying. Then my neighbor came outside and looked at me like I was a nut and went back inside shaking his head. Keep doing what you’re doing! And the 3 minute prayer idea sounds like heaven!

      Reply
        • MamaH says

          August 12, 2013 at 2:54 am

          LOL I have gotten this same kind of reaction MANY times. Thank you Erica!

          Reply

    1. Francine says

      August 6, 2013 at 2:14 am

      There is no way our family could make it through an entire rosary… But a decade we can handle.
      And I remember sleeping under the giant tent in Attleboro! It would finally get quiet until someone said “good night” when EVERYONE joined in and the whispered giggles started all over again. Good times. 🙂

      Reply
        • MamaH says

          August 12, 2013 at 2:55 am

          You remember that? ’98? Year of the Holy Spirit?? It would be so cool if you were there for that!:)

          Reply

    1. Helen says

      August 6, 2013 at 2:26 am

      Seriously, this is my family you’re talking about! I’m glad to hear we’re not the only ones on ‘Chimp Island’! I was laughing out loud all through this post, too. It was just what I needed to read after taking the three tackers to Mass this morning by.my.self. The infant behaved like a saint, but the other two…

      Great idea about the quiet prayer time.

      Reply

    1. Kristi says

      August 6, 2013 at 2:32 am

      Saw this being shared around on facebook, you are awesome!! This is so me, glad I’m not the only Catholic mom who doesn’t come anywhere near the mark I set in my head.

      Reply

    1. Anonymous says

      August 6, 2013 at 3:05 am

      Just came over from Conversion Diary and read this post and I was laughing so hard I cried, tears running down my cheeks and everything. And I’m not even Catholic. In fact, one of my favorite lines was about your Protestant friends fainting. That was great! No fainting here, but lots of laughs, and hey, the pictures are amazing! You have a real gift for communicating with stick figures!

      And thank you for actually being encouraging too. As a homeschooling (Protestant) mama to 6, I have a lot of similar frustrations about the prayer and “Bible time” scenes at our house. It’s good to know we’re not the only ones : ) And I LOVE the three minutes thing! I can’t wait to try that!

      Thanks for a great time — I can’t wait to share this with my husband!

      Gretchen

      Reply
        • MamaH says

          August 10, 2013 at 4:09 am

          Gretchen – thank you! I love that you’re here. This party is for everyone, not just us Catholics:) So happy to hear from you!

          Reply

    1. Anne Bazin says

      August 6, 2013 at 3:25 am

      This brings back so many memories! My mom always got the most ammunition out of saying applicable parts of prayers by sinisterly directing them towards the culprit. The best one for this is the prayer between the mysteries, “…especially those in most need of thy mercy” with all the necessary glaring.

      Reply

    1. Amy says

      August 6, 2013 at 3:51 am

      I love this post so much! First of all, it made me laugh like a crazy lady. But even better I love your comments about family prayer. I don’t know what the heck I’m doing when it comes to all that (I’m totally new to religion and am starting RCIA in a few weeks), so I’m trying to figure out how to teach my kids about praying and Jesus and everything else that I have neglected for their short little lives so far, and I actually got some great ideas from this post. Thank you. I can’t wait to read more.

      Reply
        • MamaH says

          August 10, 2013 at 4:16 am

          Amy, thanks for being here! Wow, I am so excited for you starting RCIA!! Welcome, sister!:)
          I am so glad this post made you laugh and gave you some ideas! Don’t sweat family prayer – it will all come together with a little effort and God’s grace.
          God bless you and your family on your exciting journey ahead!:)

          Reply

    1. Micaela Darr says

      August 6, 2013 at 4:58 am

      1) I too have the prayer attention span of a mosquito. It’s embarrassing.
      2) I love the idea of 3 minutes.
      3) The bullhorn… now there’s an idea. 😉

      I’ve been following you for awhile but I missed this post until Jen linked to it. Thanks for always making me laugh.

      Reply

    1. Tamraprn says

      August 6, 2013 at 5:55 am

      And just like that-You are my new favorite:) hahahahaha, My cheeks hurt SO bad from laughing:)

      Reply

    1. Cristina says

      August 6, 2013 at 1:41 pm

      Okay, this is probably the best and most encouraging ‘family prayer time’ advice I have ever read. You’ve single-handedly taken away years of total-Catholic-mom-failure feelings that come from reading too many Catholic mom blogs with descriptions of lovely calm children peacefully praying in a row. I’ll keep plodding along even if my boys are praying for new toys while hanging upside down from their bunks and punching each other in the head when they think I’m not looking 🙂

      And also, you are hilarious! I can’t wait to read more too!

      Reply

    1. Anne says

      August 6, 2013 at 2:18 pm

      My friend linked to this on Facebook. This is the first post of yours that I have read: hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And at the very same time edifying and TRUE! Thanks so much for a bunch of laughs first thing in the morning!!

      Reply

    1. Pauline Heart says

      August 6, 2013 at 3:15 pm

      Thank you so much for posting this. I was reading it with my 2 children.
      It was wonderful and inspiring!!! The pictures were wonderful. God Bless you!!!

      Reply

    1. Jessica says

      August 6, 2013 at 3:16 pm

      There’s too much to say I love about all this!! I’m pretty sure I’m doing my seal clap just for discovering your blog!!

      Reply

    1. October Rose says

      August 6, 2013 at 3:43 pm

      Thank you for this awesome post. I was just talking to a friend yesterday about bringing kids to Mass and the last few lines of this post really strike home. 🙂

      Reply

    1. Laura says

      August 6, 2013 at 4:46 pm

      I found the link on Facebook too. Thanks for a good laugh and thanks for the 3-minute prayer idea!

      Reply

    1. Anonymous says

      August 6, 2013 at 5:09 pm

      Your post totally reminds me of one of my favorite memories with my husband’s family. In highschool, before we dated, I happened to be around for a family rosary. My husband has ten siblings. The father fell asleep, the mother yelled (she was the kind of mom we referred to as “a yeller”), two boys were sent to kneel facing walls, someone was saying it VERY slowly so one of the little kids could keep up, someone else was saying it fast, and the rest picked a speed somewhere in the middle. The event was somewhere between terrifying and hilarious — and I’m pretty sure that every rosary in the history of their family looked exactly like it! With only three kids now, I’m trying to imagine keeping that up every single night for years and am realizing they were either crazy crazy or crazy for the faith. I’m still not sure which one :o). ~ Liz

      Reply

    1. Becky says

      August 6, 2013 at 5:29 pm

      YOU.ARE.AWESOME!!!

      Reply

    1. patronsaintofpoopydiapers says

      August 6, 2013 at 5:58 pm

      UGH! I was reading this while making sure my kids nod off during nap time (if I don’t they’ll just sit up and start a sibling war and never ever ever sleep).

      Anyway–this was too funny. I kept LOLing and waking them up. Seriously. Too. Funny.

      And can we be friends? please. Your blog is just so fun.

      Reply

    1. Anonymous says

      August 6, 2013 at 6:49 pm

      I was sent over from Conversion Diary as well. SO gald to have found you. You are hilarious and inspiring at the same time. Gives me hope for my two silly boys (ages 3 and 18 months)… Thanks for this post. I needed it!

      Reply

    1. Abigail says

      August 6, 2013 at 7:38 pm

      Thank you! This post made me laugh so hard. Can’t wait to show my husband tonight.

      Reply

    1. Mimi P says

      August 6, 2013 at 7:51 pm

      Oh my goodness! I have not had that good of a laugh in a very long time!!!! Thanks and maybe we’ll attempt the family rosary again:)

      Reply

    1. Jessica says

      August 6, 2013 at 8:20 pm

      This is hilarious AND inspiring. I love your multitasking son and the speed pray-ers. Thank you, this made my day!

      Reply

    1. Kristi says

      August 6, 2013 at 8:48 pm

      This is AWESOME!! I’m not Catholic, trust me when I say this transcends church lines. Thanks so much for this, I haven’t laughed this hard in a LONG time!!

      Reply

    1. catholicmomapologia says

      August 6, 2013 at 9:46 pm

      So happy to find your blog via Jen! I can relate to everything you are saying here–we struggle through a decade of the rosary most nights and then give up for a few days and try again, and so on. I have also recently read about having kids have a few minutes of quiet prayer–how else will they learn to pray by themselves?–and this post confirms it for me. We must try it. Anyway, look forward to following your posts!

      Reply

    1. Ceci Royals says

      August 7, 2013 at 12:01 am

      Great job Mama H! I have 8 children. You took me down memory lane. Wonderful memories of giggling toddlers and distracted pre-teens attempting to pray the Rosary before bed. I was happy to visit.

      Reply

    1. Raewyn says

      August 7, 2013 at 1:20 am

      Hi, Heather! I found you through Jen and just wanted to say I LOVE your blog! Your posts made me laugh so hard…I’m a 20 yrd Catholic college student who was homeschooled and is the oldest of 6 kids, so all the craziness of family life definitely rings a bell. Anyways, you’re absolutely lovely and hilarious. 🙂

      xo,
      Grace

      Reply

    1. Anabelle Hazard says

      August 7, 2013 at 1:34 am

      Ohmygoodness, this is too funny! Correction you are too funny! and this is our scenario many nights without the bullhorn. I need to go get one.

      Reply

    1. Rachel says

      August 7, 2013 at 1:37 am

      You’re my new favorite person.

      Reply

    1. Camp Counselor says

      August 7, 2013 at 1:54 am

      Just this morning I slapped microwaved blueberry pancakes on my kids plates and contemplated how horribly uncouth my kids’ future in-laws will think them the first time they see them eat pancakes with their hands without syrup. I thought maybe I might be ruining my kids’ live forever, but after reading this, I am cheered and revitalized!

      Reply

    1. Susie says

      August 7, 2013 at 2:55 am

      What an awesome post. Thank you for this! (I have 4 littles ages 6 and under, I SO related to this)

      Reply

    1. Anonymous says

      August 7, 2013 at 11:32 am

      “Other kids try to multi task. My 3 year old has taken a poop during our last three prayer times.”
      This made me laugh so much! Mostly because it seems that the only time I get to actually pray on my own is…
      (Mum of young’uns, currently at an airport, wiping tears of silent laughter from my eyes.)

      Reply

    1. Anonymous says

      August 7, 2013 at 11:38 am

      So happy to have found your blog through Jen’s suggestion!
      When I was a little girl, my granda taught me this prayer:
      There are four corners on this bed
      There are four angels overhead.
      St. Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John
      Bless this bed I lay upon.
      Thanks for brightening my morning!

      Reply

    1. Barbara Fryman says

      August 7, 2013 at 12:53 pm

      Oh my gosh, you just made my day! My life! I should illustrate my blog! Just kidding…I can’t even use commas properly.

      Reply

    1. Ania says

      August 7, 2013 at 3:35 pm

      Hilarious! I think we were at the same youth conference, lol

      Reply

    1. Mitzi says

      August 7, 2013 at 5:44 pm

      So frickin’ TRUE! I’m on my own in the faith, and my dh just does not understand how prayer time can be so raucous! He gets so ticked when our three Littles are rowdy during bed time prayers. I used to allow his irritation to get to me, now I just ignore it like I ignore the Jester (our middle child) climbing my back like a mountain goat while praying the Hail Mary. Maybe my quiet, teeth-clenched “peace” will rub off on the Littles and dh will be so in awe of the miracle of quiet praying children that he’ll come back to Him… Or not. How long did Saint Monica have to pray for Augustine’s father?

      And who am I kidding? The teeth-clenching only tides me over through the first half of prayer time and we usually…ok, always end up with a full-on physical prayer time. That means I give up, let them run wild around the room, and only intervene when someone bleeds. It’s sort of like David dancing before the Ark. It is. Is it?

      Reply

    1. texasgal says

      August 7, 2013 at 7:53 pm

      This was the best laugh I have had in a long time!

      Reply

    1. Ute says

      August 8, 2013 at 6:38 am

      What a great, funny, awesome post!!! A friend recommended it on facebook, and I’m so glad she did. Love it!

      Reply

    1. shellatte says

      August 8, 2013 at 3:31 pm

      Oh my! Someone emailed this to me and you are totally on my blog reader now. SO FUNNY!!

      Reply

    1. Heather Vitella says

      August 8, 2013 at 8:10 pm

      Love, love love. We didn’t grow up Catholic but still had some gems in the prayer department. “We thank you for the night, and for the blessed morning light. For rest and food and love and care and all that makes the world so fair.” It is nice they rhyme so you have a chance of remembering it!

      So happy Jen directed me/us over here. It is good to laugh with another mom while teaching our kids about loving God.

      Congrats!!

      Reply

    1. jen says

      August 9, 2013 at 9:00 am

      Dying from laughter over here at the line about a Catholic retreat not being a good place to commit a homicide.

      Reply

    1. Michelle Hayden says

      August 9, 2013 at 3:43 pm

      You. Are. Hilarious. Everything you said is sooooo true!!!

      Reply

    1. Emily Davis says

      August 9, 2013 at 5:15 pm

      Amen Amen!
      You may laugh at me. But I have a brilliant, high functioning, being tested for Asperger’s son. He’s 9.
      And he has always had the questions and interruptions for at least three other children. One time a babysitter told me he was like three children. He was three at the time. Sigh. He’s 9 now.
      My point – I feel the way you do and I only have one.
      Thanks for giving me the insight to take small steps. DUH. Maybe I could get through Mass without wanting to smack my child if I didn’t put so much pressure on myself and him.

      Sigh…
      I may epically fail when trying… but I am glad I’m not alone.

      Blessings,
      Emily

      Reply

    1. Jackie Akhurst says

      August 9, 2013 at 9:11 pm

      This comment has been removed by the author.

      Reply

    1. Jackie Akhurst says

      August 9, 2013 at 9:12 pm

      Jesus the Babysitter is an image that will stay with me for the rest of my life.

      Reply

    1. Emily says

      August 9, 2013 at 10:02 pm

      Thanks so much for this wonderful post! It’s fantastic. We really need to refocus on making family prayers an, erm, more positive experience.

      And the part about slow and fast prayers? SO. MUCH. YES.

      Reply

    1. LR @ Magnificent or Egregious says

      August 11, 2013 at 4:45 am

      Dying laughing at this post and imagining that woman yelling the Hail Mary through the bullhorn at the conference like a drill sargeant. LOL!!

      Whenever we pray before lunch or dinner whenever we’re visiting my parents, my Dad says the prayer SO SLOWLY (like pronouncing every single syllable and consonant, probably because he’s used to doing that with my little nieces & nephews), Hubs gives me a look and it’s all we can do to not bust out laughing because it’s so inappropriate.

      Reply

    1. Ambry & Shane says

      August 11, 2013 at 4:46 am

      all of this was perfectly done! thank you!

      Reply

    1. jen says

      August 11, 2013 at 8:13 am

      I just had to send the quote about committing a homicide at a Catholic youth retreat to a couple of my youth minister friends.

      Reply

    1. Anonymous says

      August 12, 2013 at 1:51 am

      We should be best friends 🙂 You are awesome!!

      Reply

    1. Matushka Natalia Audra says

      August 13, 2013 at 11:50 am

      I think it’s clear from all the comments that none of us are alone who struggle with the weight of trying to set a good example with a positive association about prayer time. I’ve struggled with that since I only had one toddler, and now I have 3 kids. It seems to me (but what do I know?) that you’ve found the key in keeping it short and manageable, and giving each one a role. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone!

      Reply

    1. Matushka Natalia Audra says

      August 13, 2013 at 11:50 am

      I think it’s clear from all the comments that none of us are alone who struggle with the weight of trying to set a good example with a positive association about prayer time. I’ve struggled with that since I only had one toddler, and now I have 3 kids. It seems to me (but what do I know?) that you’ve found the key in keeping it short and manageable, and giving each one a role. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone!

      Reply

    1. Alexandra Wright says

      August 14, 2013 at 1:47 pm

      Jesus the babysitter…classic. And no wonder no one could sleep in that retreat tent with the Heather laugh happening! BEST LAUGH EVER.

      Reply

    1. Anonymous says

      August 24, 2013 at 4:37 pm

      Brava! A rare Catholic laugh riot!

      Reply

    1. Anonymous says

      August 25, 2013 at 2:51 am

      That was really funny. I laughed so hard that I not only had tears, I actually stopped breathing. You gave me some good ideas as well 🙂 Thank you.

      Reply

    1. Jessica Roche says

      September 3, 2013 at 5:10 pm

      thank you for making me smile today!!! God bless you.

      Reply

    1. Anonymous says

      September 23, 2013 at 3:55 am

      oh Heavens above, I had to actually cross my legs to read this post (my babies were big – I wish I were a marsupial, but anyway…). I was laughing so hard I was just sort of making a strange clicking sound in my throat, with tears pouring down my cheeks, and my husband said, “are you reading Mama Knows?”. Yep. Cuz today was a bad day on our personal Chimp Island. But I feel allll better now. Thank you, MamaH!

      Seriously, what you’re doing is really a ministry here. Thank God for your gift of humor.

      Reply

    1. Laura says

      October 7, 2013 at 1:41 pm

      I myself have been accused of possessing a particularly “riotous” laugh on more than one occasion. 🙂 I’m sure that you have a special gift for that, but you also have a gift for making other people laugh! Thanks Mama H for sharing your gift and for the encouragement you’ve given this Catholic mama of little ones!

      Reply

    1. Amy Oatley says

      October 25, 2013 at 1:40 am

      thank you for a glorious laugh!!! your posts are downright hilarious and true. Family life striving to live for God is the holy life though sometimes it just doesn’t look like it to us. We know one family with eight kids who used to call the rosary, the bull-dozary because it was like driving a bulldozer to pray it! Keep writing. Your insight is beautiful and damn funny cuz it’s true!! peace, love and joy in Jesus through Mary.

      Reply

    1. Anonymous says

      November 6, 2013 at 6:05 pm

      Thank you for this post. I re-read it today because my 4 year old woke up at 5:30 and insisted on saying the WHOLE rosary with me. Rather than being delighted I was cranky because he was taking up MY prayer time. Being made holy in the midst of the chaos, indeed.

      Reply

    1. the Crazy Daisies says

      March 3, 2014 at 8:37 pm

      A friend of mine shared this on facebook and so I randomly clicked it..and laughed so hard I just about fell off my chair! I grew up in a large Catholic family and this is exactly what family prayer time was like! It brought back so many memories. Thanks for making me laugh at my Monday desk job : )

      Reply

    1. Emily says

      June 19, 2014 at 9:09 am

      Thank you. I read most of this to my husband as he was getting ready for work. Also, our 3 yr old was screaming in the corner. She was there because she had already taken the 5 yr old’s Captain America shield (we made yesterday from a cereal box) and run away from him giggling while he starting crying “she took it!” The 3 month old was on the bed next to me and the 2 yr old was alternately trying to crawl in my lap or mush the baby’s face. I think I love you.

      Reply

    1. Martha says

      August 15, 2014 at 12:11 pm

      Laughed til I cried at the ‘Chimp Island’ bit. Not to mention Charlie McGuinness. Good times. I’m there with you. Mama know, mama know.

      Reply

    1. Kate says

      August 29, 2014 at 12:26 am

      I laughed so hard I cried, and my 7 month old, who is supposed to be nursing himself back to sleep, is looking at me in sleep-eyed confusion and laughing with me.

      Reply

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