Larry teetered ominously on the edge of the pie, delicately weighing his options. “Hmmm. Should I devour this thing or should I briskly walk away? One the one hand, I’m really trying to slim my figure in time for the big colony picnic, but on the other hand….I mean, it’s PIE. I can always burn off the calories later by dragging extra crumbs around! But then I will probably eat the crumbs afterwards….sigh. Work makes me so hungry.”
Remember two weeks ago when I started blogging again and I asked you to suggest picture ideas for me to draw? Well reader Kathleen (thank you Kathleen!!) was the first person to submit an idea, and she asked if I could draw an ant about to eat an entire pie. So here we are.
I’m learning that I’m kind of a perfectionist..and not in the sense that anything I’ve ever done has been perfect. Rather, I get pretty down on myself if I don’t do something exactly the way I imagine I should. Make sense?
For example, I have this post I’ve been working on for you. It’s not done. I thought it would be done by now but it’s taking longer than expected.
So my brain does this ridiculous thing. It’s kind of a weird step by step process.
1. I work on the post, but it’s still not done.
2. I make a vague promise to myself. I tell myself, “I’ll just keep working on this till I finish. Shouldn’t take long. Maybe a day or two.”
3. A week goes by. I was busy doing stuff with my family, working on the garden, etc. But that post hasn’t been touched. So I come up with a plan. “You can’t blog anything else until you finish that one post!!!” I tell myself.
4. I never think to ask myself why I think that. I just go with it like a dumb lemming.
5. Shame sets in. “Your blog hasn’t been updated! This is like all the other times when you SAID you would BLOG, but then you DIDN’T. YOU LET PEOPLE DOWN!! You’re not a REAL BLOGGER! You FAILED. SHAME ON YOU.”
6. I eat a lot of ice cream.
7. I do some more shaming.
8. More ice cream
9. More shame.
10. Ice cream.
12. Ice cream
14. Repeat this vicious cycle.
15. STEAK SUB.
16. Stop showering.
17. It’s official: I can’t finish the post. Because shame and ice cream. And steak sub. I turn my attention towards a corner of the living room that could use a little sprucing up and I pin a whole bunch of shit on Pinterest about painting an end table mint green.
18. What blog? I don’t know what you’re talking about.
19. Hermit blog status.
Sigh. It’s crazy, right? But true. Except for the not showering part.
Anyway, I don’t think I’m the only one who does this kind of thing. Maybe a lot of us do.
So. Here’s how I’m trying to deal with it. I’m just trying to KEEP GOING. Keep drawing, keep writing. Try not to box myself in with my crazy, illogical expectations of myself or what I think my blog should be.
Sometimes the worst thing I can do is to just stop. Like this past week? I only ran three miles. And I can feel myself slipping into that sedentary lifestyle again.
I can pray for the grace to get out there, ask my friends for advice, have Dan give me 47 seperate pep talks (you’re awesome, honey), schedule my next running time on my calendar, and go on Pinterest and pin a whole bunch of pins on motivation….but in the end what I need to do is get up off my butt and start running.
Which brings us back to reader Kathleen, who kindly left me the pie and ant idea!
So there it is. The pie, the ant, some commentary, and here’s me getting up off my butt. Off and running.
Keep going, my friends!! ð