I don’t know if you know this about me, but I love Amish people. I really do. I am obsessed.
It always surprises me that I appreciate them so much because I generally abhor cults and cultish things, but the Amish are just so intriguing that I can’t help myself.
Luckily for them, my family and I live at least an hour away. This is a relatively safe distance for people who don’t wish to be spied on by the likes of me.
We love visiting the Amish and shopping at their shops. Driving around in their community is thrilling. It’s like going back in time! All the women in their bonnets, the men working the fields with their oxen or whatever those horned animals are on manual farm machines.
This is the closest I will get to experiencing the olden days.
I’m always a little worried about however I’m dressed on our Amish excursions. I can tell by the children’s facial expressions that something about my outfit is wrong.
Except that the Amish speak a lot of German, or Pennsylvania Dutch – which I believe is American slang for German.
I learned that through Google and through a season of my life in which I enjoyed several Amish romance novels,whycantIevershutthehellupandstopembarrassingmyselfinpublic.
Anyway, since the Amish speak their German, that last scene would probably go more like this:
Have you ever heard someone speak in German? I mean where they really let loose.
The Germans sound absolutely furious when they speak. One time a guy said “Hi, how are you? Good day!” to me in German, and I thought he was going to blow my head off. That’s how scary it is to be spoken to in German! I think Arabic is the angriest sounding language out there, but German is next in line.
Despite their German-speaking ways, the Amish are really lovely people and they seem kind and welcoming.
They’re always waving and smiling and hoeing in their gardens and baking their many goods. Try one of their heavy fat-laden donuts! You’ll feel your arteries clog up like a drain, but you’ll still like it.
Now, I don’t know what goes on behind closed doors but I know if you don’t behave and act like a decent Amish person and follow all their rules, you are in for a serious shunning. I don’t like that.
I joke! I joke! I wouldn’t do this. At least I probably wouldn’t do it.
My friend Heather (not me) and I were talking about our love for the Amish recently and she said, “Every time I visit them, I always wish I were Amish for about one week afterward. But then I realize what a horrible Amish person I would make. I would be the scourge of the Amish community.”
Then we started thinking of ways that we would totally screw up Amish life. This is my friend Heather’s worst Amish fear:
And this would be me sneaking off to grab some fast food since I’m sure that pickled beets get boring after awhile.
Personally, I’d have to say the whole no social media rule would be a total deal breaker for me. You want to take my electric? Fine. But don’t you dare stand between me and my iPhone or you are putting yourself directly in harm’s way. I’m sorry but it’s the truth.
I don’t know what Amish moms do after a long difficult day of kids not hoeing the garden like they were told to or what they do when the baby has kept them up all night, nursing their little brains out. But I bet ya fifty pounds of Amish friendship bread that this is how I’d be dealin with it:
What about you? Think you’d survive Amish living?