Dan and I are trying to figure out a little last minute camping trip for our family. I know some of you love to camp, and then there are those of you who would rather have gall bladder surgery in a third world country. A hearty welcome to you all!
I think I am a person who loves to camp and Dan is a person who hates to camp and together we form a fairly reasonable person with a moderate fondness and appreciation for camping. .
Okay, I just asked him about it and he said in a strained voice, ” I really do not love tent camping because it’s a lot of WORK. That’s why I want a pop up camper.”
But this is a last minute trip and tent camping is significantly more affordable than staying in a cabin or purchasing a pop up camper. Therefore, I applaud Dan for his willingness to go on this trip and I forgive him in advance for all the vulgar swearing he will do while setting up our tent.
We’ve camped at Allegheny State Park a few times, but you never know when someone is gonna break out their solid gold AC/DC collection and crank that shit up to 100 for 4 hours while getting so drunk they wind up screaming and swearing and eventually chucking their own grill into the woods at 1 am.
Thank you for that precious moment, kind stranger.
There was also the time we went camping and some family was having a reunion. Naturally, the adult members set up a large open party tent at one end of the camp trail and spent some quality time beer pongin’ it up while their kids terrorized the campground in the dark, scaring people by jumping out of bushes and yelling swear words at us from the woods.
So a family campground would be ideal, but here’s the thing . Lots of family campgrounds do stuff like “Dr Seuss Night!” and “Dress up Like Your Favorite Disney Fairy!” to which I respond with a resounding “HELL to the NO.”
No offense, but I hate stuff like that during a camping trip. I want to pick up one of those giant orange bullhorns and yell into it, “GREETINGS EVERYONE, PLEASE HAVE A LOOK AROUND YOU. THERE’S A FOREST. THERE’S NATURE. THERE’S TREES. THERE’S FRESH AIR AND PLANTS AND WATER AND WILDLIFE!! THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR CRAPPY POLYESTER GOWNS, SEQUINS, OR BEDAZZLED CROWNS. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND HIS GREAT GREEN EARTH, LEAVE THE CARTOONS OUT OF STUFF FOR ONCE AND GO PLAY IN THE FOREST.”
Some campgrounds have a weekly Campers Potluck. They advertise it like it’s a real selling point, too. Like that’s what people really want.
Campers Potluck is where you can bring a dish to pass as you join together with a bunch of random, smelly strangers to share a bountiful meal of 17 slightly differing potato salads, eight baked bean dishes with gnats dying all over them and one badly burned hot dog rolling around on your plate with nothing to hold it in place because their weren’t enough buns for everyone.
This is VACATION?? This is RELAXING? This is FAMILY BONDING TIME?
Ahhh, yes! Let me spend my peaceful vacation family moments doing something stressful and obligatory with people I will never see again in my life!
No. Nope. Nopity nope nope. The thought of it makes me want to crawl back into my bed and probably die.
So let me ask you this, dear readers: can you recommend a great camping spot?
This is mainly for future reference, because I think we’re all set for this year. But next year, we’d like to do more camping. Here’s what we’re looking for:
– preferably the Adirondack area or somewhere else in the northeast
– simple cabins with electric, possibly for under 100 bucks a night
– a lake with canoes and boats and life jackets
– FAMILY FRIENDLY, no pervs in speedos or people getting drunk to the point of grill throwing
– a beach with lifeguards
– peace, quiet, lots of wildlife and trails and all that. –
– some activities! But nature based activities, like frog and salamander catching or family fishing, not SpongeBob Baseball or the Queen Elsa Campground Pageant.
– and ya know what?? A place with moose. Help us find some moose!!!
Please and thank you:)