Last Fall, I had a breast cancer scare.
But that wasn’t the first time it had happened to me. The first time that had ever happened to me, I was 26. I’d found a lump in my left breast and after a mammogram, it was determined that I needed a biopsy done. The specialist found pre cancerous tissue there and removed it. And that was that.
So last October, I went in for a routine mammo. I was actually feeling a little annoyed that I was there.
I didn’t think anything of it when the tech called me back in for a second and third scan. I was snuggled up in one of those big fluffy robes they lend you, reading People magazine, probably gawking at the Kimye Circus or the train wreck that is Justin Beiber.
A little while later, a doctor called me in from the private waiting room where I was seated comfortably to a brightly lit office. He proceeded to show me a ginormous image of my left breast on a huge movie-type screen.
You should know that seeing your own breast on a movie screen does not actually make you feel like Kate Upton. It makes you feel like you have a front row seat at a horror movie about giant killer zombie boobs. “The hills have eyes,” they say, and apparently they do. That’s how it feels.
It’s an eyeball. Geez! You guys are so immature.
Sidenote: I must say that while the luxury robe is great and all, it would be nice if they could provide a bowl of popcorn drizzled in butter for the private screening. Just a thought.
They did give me a free Chapstick though. Just as delicious.
Anyway, the image on the screen was covered in these little white dots, and the doc explained that there was a mass of calcifications on my breast.
BREATHE. INTO. BAG.
So. When I hear the word “mass”, I think one of two things:
1) yay!!! Jesus!!!
2) OKAY I’M GOING TO DIE
And from that point on, I started believing that cancer was coming for me. I had escaped it once, but not anymore. It had finally caught up with me. I was toast. Done. Dead. Finito.
By the end of my appointment, they had scheduled me for an in- office biopsy, and I was in the grips of terror.
You ever feel like you’ve entered a time bubble? I mean where all your plans and everything are suddenly on hold?
Some people turn to prayer in times like these and some people reach out to those they love and trust. I did those things, too. But I did one other thing. A thing that most people never dream of doing.
But they ain’t crazy the way I’m crazy. Because I also turn to Craiglist Pets.
We’ll talk more about that in my next post.
Update: FYI I am FINE and DO NOT HAVE CANCER. Just in case you thought the words “Last fall I had a cancer scare” meant “Last fall and today I have cancer!!” Nope. I’m totally fine:)